Baby Boomers and Their Aging Parents
What will become of the “Sandwich Generation?” Those of us between our aging parents and our kids. As a baby boomer that was born in 1962, I am seeing more and more of the struggles and worries of adult children of aging parents. My mom died at aged 65 of complications of Multiple Sclerosis a few years ago and my dad is 71 years old and is in good shape and very active. I don’t have a plan that has all of the details worked out, but, I have a general idea.
As adults, my brother and I have talked with our parents frankly and have discussed many issues.Granted, it was easier to discuss things with mama. With daddy, you just speak your mind and he speaks his mind and there you have it. I have never been afraid to tell him that he’s wrong or is being an ass. I love my daddy and am a lot like him. Some might say I’m a little too much like him. Apparently, the kind of relationship that I have had with both my parents is unusual. There is no arguing or yelling or hard feelings. I may not like what my dad does and he may not like what I do, but, we are still family.
As an adult child of an aging parent, I can be proactive about what the future may hold and what the best solutions may be or I can stick my head in the sand and not deal with the inevitable. I’m not an ostrich and I can handle anything if I know about it. I remember when I was little that papaw Martin (my great-grandfather) was living with family until his death. That was probably the late 1960′s. Was there a lot of two-income households at that time? Were there any assisted livings? All I remember was the old stinky nursing homes. That is one place that older folks did not want ever go. Their families agreed or just kept them at home because that’s the way it was always handled. The nursing homes of today are so much better than they were in the past. Now, we even have assisted living facilities and in-home care available.
I know what I can handle and what I can’t handle. My dad will have in-home care and if needed he will transition to an assisted living facility and then into a nursing home. I will make the best choices that I can with the information that I have at the time.
I hate getting sick and feeling like crap!
Starting on Friday, early in the morning, before daylight, the dreaded chills and stomach cramping and aching began. I hardly ever have any type of illness. If I do; then it doesn’t last very long. Anyway, I couldn’t work Friday and I had a couple of meetings scheduled. I think in my adult working life I have missed 1 & 1/2 days of work in over 20 years. One was a kidney stone and the other was I had a classic migraine with neurological symptoms of a stroke. I had to wait until someone could relieve me at the pharmacy before I went to the doctor. For those of us in the medical field, aren’t we just the worst patients? I have not done anything since Friday morning and here it is Sunday night and I still have the headache, chills and stomach ache. I am better and I don’t believe that I am contagious anymore. People say, “go to the dr.” They can’t do anything for me that I can’t do myself for a virus. Rest, drink plenty of fluids and sleep. BRAT diet – Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast. Things that are easy on the stomach and boy is my stomach “acidy.” I am not a good patient and I pretty much just want to be left alone. I am not used to having to be still and my butt is numb from sitting. A shower is about all the energy that I have expended this weekend. I have no idea what this is nor where I may have been in contact with a carrier. I’m still to the point that I don’t want anything touching my skin or my head. I am better than I was and I am drinking my water, Coke, and Sierra Mist. Taking the Tylenol (acetaminophen) or an aspirin/acetaminophen, caffeine combo. Sudafed only if really needed. Now, it is time to suck it up and get back to work. Thank goodness for my OPC-3 or I am certain that I would be feeling much worse.
My Body Is a Wreck…
Joint pain and inflammation are making me feel miserable. With the weather being below freezing for 10 days and the holidays right before that…… Yada,yada,yada. I haven’t been doing my regular walking. I know that I could have gone somewhere and walked indoors, even though I hate it, and I would be feeling good right now. I want to rant and rave for a while and then I can get my butt back in my routine of walking outside and feeling better. I didn’t believe how much walking for an hour and a half to two hours really helped. I slept better, I had more energy, I concentrated better, my body did not hurt, my body was not stiff, my stress level decreased and my lower back did not hurt. Sometimes we just don’t realize all of the benefits we receive by walking until we haven’t done it for a while. Heck, I didn’t realize what all it was helping when I was doing it. The cat is trying to get on top of the laptop and me. She’s about 18 years old and needs the warmth. Still, it drives me crazy. The dog will at least sit beside me. Now, back to the story. I am going to get back to my walking and help my body. When? Well, I can’t today because I have meetings until late and I can’t tomorrow because of…….. ! Schedule it just like an appointment. Get back into the routine. I know that I will be glad I did. How about you?
I ain’t even gonna lie….
It’s almost Thanksgiving. Since we tried deep-frying a turkey about 3 or 4 years ago, nobody wants it any other way. It is very tasty. It’s moist and no, it is not greasy. Turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing (depends on who makes it) and rolls. I like carbohydrates. I will even have dessert. It isn’t the one day of overindulgence that gets us in trouble is it? No, it’s the day before and the two days after that get us into trouble. Moderation in everything is a great idea and how many of us will take that approach? Very few. We are having fun, talking, eating and drinking (water, of course) and being together. For some folks, holidays are a very stressful time and they use food and/or alcohol as comfort or an escape. It’s okay if your willpower is a little out of whack for a short time. Just get back to your normal schedule and go forward. Just be regular with your exercise program and don’t skip meals.
Eating too much and too fast? GERD will probably flare-up
Eating too much fat? Arthritis may flare-up
Be aware of what your triggers are if you have: Migraines, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Crohn’s Disease
Have a great Turkey Day.
p.s. Don’t forget to talk to and play with the kids that are seated at the “children’s” table.
Do I really need this CT scan???
This is going to be one of those — Do as I say things and not do as I did. Why didn’t I ask about the CT scan before I had the darn thing? I was hurting with a kidney stone & yes, I know that sometimes you need to be sure. But did I need to be $2,700.00 sure? I was “lucky” to have insurance and so it will only cost me $900.00. Yeah, I just happen to have an extra $900.00 just lying around. No, I’ll be making payments. I guess instead of asking if I really needed this test, I should have asked how much it was going to cost. Now, I am a pharmacist and I know a lot of things are expensive and some are even necessary,but, I did not know that a CT test was ultra expensive and took 5 minutes. I won’t be making this mistake ever again. These are the things that I will be asking in the future:
1- Why does it need to be done? Can it be done later, if I do not get better?
2- Will it change my treatment plan?
3- How much will it cost?
Makes prevention sound great doesn’t it?
When the caregiver doesn’t care anymore…
Some of you are thinking, how can that be? Obviously, you have not been a continuous caregiver. I was raised that families take care of their own and to do what needs to be done. My dad was the continuous caregiver for my mom and he was very good with her and would not consider a nursing home. He was exhausted, stressed and I sometimes wondered if he did it because they were married. The night my mom died, I saw how much he really did love her and was committed to her. My parents grew up in the age of not so nice nursing homes and little help from “outsiders.”
Back to the caregiver doesn’t care anymore…. It isn’t that they truly no longer care anymore, but, an exhaustion that cannot be explained to those that haven’t experienced it. You are so tired that you cannot think straight anymore ; much less feel anything. You are numb and just existing and you start to have not so nice thoughts about the person that you are caring for. Oh, and you can’t share those thoughts because it isn’t nice and you would look like a monster. You are being pulled like taffy in about “50 – 11″ different directions. ( That’s just something I’ve heard all of my life in regards to being pulled in every direction possible.) The caregiver isn’t just dealing with physical disabilities. Sometimes they are dealing with the irrational feelings, dementia, or other psychological disorders of the person that they are caring for. As a caregiver, you can’t express your feelings or your frustrations without feeling like an ass. There are no easy answers and for you caregivers out there—-You are doing the best that you can and that is good enough. Get outside help, if needed, so that you may recharge your own emotional and physical batteries. Letting others help you is not a sign of weakness. I have heard this saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Well, it takes a village to help your family and friends to care for one another.
But, I don’t want to…
It is a Thursday and I don’t have any clients this afternoon. I do have an open house to attend and I am excited to see my friends at Senior Care Consultants. I did handle one of the necessities of being a business owner. Getting my crap in order. I have an area in my house that I call my hutch area. Guess what? Every thing gets placed there. It is to the point that I can’t even find what I am looking for and usually, I know exactly what is where. I hate filing and keeping receipts and logging in stuff. I want to go and play and work and not have any responsibilities. Just do my thing and forget record keeping. There is always that moment where I think, “Forget this junk.” Then I look down the road for tax time and know that I will be glad that everything is in order. Maybe I’ll try actually staying caught up and placing things where they need to be the first time. I doubt it, but, it could happen.
The tip for today: if you have a slight headache, drink more water because you may be dehydrated. We don’t feel as thirsty in cooler weather.
Gutters and leaves..@#%%*!
Well, I did not get to clean my gutters before the rain began this Friday morning. Am I ticked off about not being able to clean my gutters? Yeah, but that isn’t the whole story. I’m really ticked because my plans had to change (yet again). I don’t like spontaneity or as I like to call it – “flying by the seat of your pants.” I like plans, schedules and to do lists. I know all of you philosophers out there say the only thing that is consistent is change. In reality, for me at least, it isn’t the change that bothers me so much as having downtime when I feel that I should be working. I am not good at being still. We all know that when we have to be still and quiet that a lot of us do not know how to enjoy the “being present in the moment.” I will enjoy the downtime today and just accept whatever comes my way. At least I don’t Have to climb a ladder in the rain today.
Things are changing…..
The two oldest kids are home from college for a few days. It is nice to have them home and see how much they are changing. They are different in many ways, but, alike in some. Both are boys and one is 21 and the other is 18. The green-eyed jealousy monster still rears its ugly head and I guess it always will. The only reason for jealousy is in their own heads. Isn’t that the way we all can be at times? It is our perception of things that determines our feelings and the ways that we act and not necessarily the facts. I have enjoyed their company yesterday at dinner and this morning as we ate breakfast and watched a movie. Yes, together and in the same room. I like that they still feel comfortable at home and that they still enjoy family times. I also like the way they are growing and maturing. Becoming more self-sufficient and self-assured in their decisions. The 15 year old is glad they are home (for awhile) and even he went to dinner with the family and then went to the fall festival concerts (the girlfriend called him as I was dropping him off). I don’t know how many “extra kids” we will have at Thanksgiving and it doesn’t matter. My mom never knew how many would be at our Thanksgivings either when I was in college.
What are my medications doing to my body?
Have you every wondered “Why do I feel yucky?” We sometimes dismiss it as, “I am just tired”, or ” I am just not right and I don’t know why.” Let’s take a look at some of our prescription medications and see what they may be depleting our bodies of…..
Corticosteroids: Examples – Pulmicort, Flonase, Fluticasone, Flovent, Nasonex, Mometasone, Prednisone, Methylprednisolone, and others. DEPLETES – Calcium, Magnesium, Potassium, Zinc, Folic Acid, Vitamins C & D
Asthama Inhalers: Examples – Proventil HFA, Ventolin HFA, Albuterol, ProAir, etc. DEPLETES – Potassium
Birth Control Meds: Examples – Too many to mention. DEPLETES – Magnesium, Folic Acid, Vitamins B2 & B6
ACE Inhibitors: Examples - Benazepril, Lotensin, Enalapril, Enalapril, Fosinopril, Lisinopril, Quinapril, etc. DEPELETES – Zinc Caution –May increase Potassium levels.
Statins: Examples – Zocor, Simvastatin, Lovastatin, Pravachol, Pravastatin, Mevacor, Lipitor, Atorvastatin, Fluvastatin, Lescol, Rosuvastatin, Crestor, Vytorin. DEPLETES – CoEnzyme Q10
Beta-blockers: Examples - class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”">Coreg, class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”">Carvedilol, Inderal, Propranolol, Betapace, Sotalol, Corgard, Nadolol, Sectral, Acebutolol, Lopressor, Toprol XL, Metoprolol, Zebeta, Bisoprolol, Tenormin, Atenolol and others. Beta-blocker EYE drops: Examples – Betagan, Levobunolol, Optipranolol, Metipranolol, Timoptic, Timolol, Ocupress, Cartelol, and others. DEPLETES – CoEnzyme Q10
Bone building meds: Examples – Fosamax, Alendronate, Boniva, and others. DEPLETES – Calcium, Phosphorus, Magnesium
Proton Pump Inhibitors: Examples - Prilosec, Omeprazole, Prevacid, Lansoprazole, Kapidex, Dexlansoprazole, Nexium, Esomeprazole, Protonix, Pantoprazole, Aciphex, Rabeprazole. DEPLETES – Calcium, Iron, Zinc, Folic Acid, Vitamins B1 and B12.
This is not a complete list, but it gives you an idea of what effects that long-term use may have on your body. Some of you will need supplements. Some of you are saying to yourself—So?
The So is – loss of calcium may lead to osteoporosis, or bone pain, or even fractures. It’s probably not that you fell and your hip broke. It is more likely that your hip broke and then you fell.
Loss of B vitamins and folic acid – brain function is slowed and breathing may become more labored.
Loss of magnesium may result in leg cramps or aches.
Let’s take care of the nutritional issues and our body will usually take care of itself.
